Karma? Luck?

The thing I most disagree with Buddhism about is its way too-certain notion of cause-and-effect. I don't mean to deny that when bad things happen to me I probably deserve them; but it seems to me, on the face of it, preposterously vainglorious to think that the good things which happen to me are the result of acquired merit--in this or previous existences. Horsepoop. The very notion of trying to estimate what "merit" I might have "earned" makes me blush.

So, let's say that--when, on the 29th of August, at about 5:00 p.m., I hurried into the 7-Eleven Store a couple of doors down from my apartment house, scurrying to pick up a bowl of noodles for supper, and, there being no sign up saying 'piso mojado,' slipped in a puddle of mop-water and fell backwards in a kind of cheer-leader splits, breaking the fibula of my left leg in two places, and my left ankle, and tearing the ligament away from my left knee--I had it coming. But let's admit that--when the lawyers representing 7-eleven's insurance company called me this morning and told me that within five to ten days I'm going to be getting a check from them for $15,000--that was pure gravy, which no accumulation of virtue or good works that I am aware of can account for.

And so what is this Unworthy One going to do with this Providential Windfall?--more money than I have ever had together at one time in my entire life. No question, the first thing I'm going to do is buy a High-Definition Television together with a state-of-the-art Personal Computer with all the attachments, DVD Player/Recorder, etc. ; and I'll be installing Linux Software, and, of course, getting Fiber-Optic Cable Internet Hook-up. Questionably, I'll pay off my debt to my Alma Mater, releasing my official transcripts, and enrolling for Spring Quarter in a Master's program at the University of Hawaii (I've already been accepted, pending release of the transcripts). But I'm thinking: Really do I want to continue my academic career? For what? I don't want to teach. My Magna cum Laude B.A. and my Phi Beta Kappa award, not to mention the list of scholarships and diplomas from Perugia and Siena (with the magical ottimo!), won so late in life, are all the prestigious validation anybody should need. The thing is that U of H's obligatory second year of the French Master's program in Paris, with the optional semester in Florence; which is mighty tempting. Whatever--everything now is within my reach. Funny place for a shiftless ne'er-do-well to be in.