By Proclamation of the Emperor Augustus:

Today is Male Prostitute Day. Time to celebrate Family Values--thinking, of course, of all those Patrician Youths who are not being hit on, because their would-be seducers are distracted by those brave young Plebeian Ganymedes-for-hire. This reminds me of something else--something Biblical in fact: How the non-sodomitical denizens of Sodom "exposed a Matron, to prevent worse rape." "Worse rape" (than of one's own wife or daughters) being of course the rape of Angels of the Lord. Indeed. The mind reels. Given that the Angels of the Lord are man-angels, and that the only way to rape them would be per anum--a devastating prospect for a heavenly being--we are lucky indeed that those original, sodomitic Sodomites were willing to settle for a non-virgin, slightly used matron. If, that is, the Old Testament (Leviticus, is it?) is to be believed on this point. Myself, knowing what Sodomites are like, I doubt it. In fact I disbelieve it. Certainly, if I had caught a glimpse of some Angels of the Lord, and I were clamoring at the gates, demanding that the enticing creatures be sent out, in order that I might "know" them, I would scarcely allow myself to be put off, and my burning unnatural lust diverted, by the exposure of a mere matron. Sorry, guys, that might seem plausible to heterosexuals, but it shows a basic misunderstanding of the nature of actual Sodomites, who are not just marking time, clamoring at the gates after Angels, when what they really want (poor, silly confused Sodomites) are matrons: Real, sodomític Sodomites would as soon have sex with a dead goat as with a matron. Straight people just cannot understand this, but it's true.