Shakespeare

Can we not agree that he was Elizabeth I's (and Robert Dudley's) bastard?  Or Francis Bacon? Or Elizabeth herself? I vote for Elizabeth herself, on the evidence: We know that Elizabeth spent several hours every day writing--double-translating Greek and Latin tragedies into English (and back into Latin and Greek) being practically her all-time favorite thing to while away an idle hour. Who else could have, or would have, written 'Julius Caesar' or 'Antony and Cleopatra'?

Question of authorship aside, caustic doubts of authenticity remain. Shakespeare elocuted, in Received Pronunciation, is not Shakespeare. And it takes ever so much longer to say.